I, for One, Don't Turn My Cheek for Anyone

Dear marketers of toilet paper,

I am one person. I have one bottom. I am responsible for two bathrooms. I live in a relatively small house with limited storage. Given these qualities, it is completely unnecessary for me to invest in 24, 36, or 48 rolls of toilet paper at one time. I fondly recall the days when a single roll of toilet paper could be bought in a color to match one's bathroom.

Today, I found myself overwhelmed by the packages of toilet paper in my grocery store. The closet where I keep my toilet paper has a nook just the right size for an 8-roll package. Specifically, 8 normal-sized rolls of toilet paper. Not 8 double rolls (equivalent to 16!), not 8 mega rolls (enough to cover the Captiol Building!), not a 12-pack, not a fork-lift pallet of 96 rolls. So I abandoned hope at the grocery store and proceeded to Target. To my chagrin, the situation was no better. In order to use your coupon and save $1.00, I would have to buy 36 rolls of toilet paper.

Furthermore, while I like a little comfort in my toilet paper, I do not need anything soft or thick enough to substitute for a sweater. Surely there is a middle ground between chafing and feathery cherub's wings?

In the end (!), I wound up choosing toilet paper by the size of the package. I think there are 18 non-mega rolls of super-thin toilet paper now nestled in my closet. If there is one upside to this purchase, it is that, with 18 rolls on-hand, I will not have to buy toilet paper for quite a while.

As you consider future packaging for your products, let me remind you that there are still some Americans who have not super-sized. Please consider packages that can fit in a Honda Civic and that be stored in a townhouse. And, if it's not too much trouble, please mention this letter to your counterparts in the paper towel department. I'm afraid it's becoming impossible to buy both your products on the same day without making two trips.

Cordially,
JW