Learned the Hard Way

At our youth group’s senior banquet, one of my church’s pastors gave a great exhortation to our graduates. He encouraged them to plug into a campus ministry right away, telling them it is a great way to make friends and to grow in their Christian walk while at college. Then he said something that got me nodding like a bobble head doll. He told the seniors that if, or when, they don’t walk like Christians at college, Jesus would welcome them back. Our pastor assured them that Jesus would love them and their parents would love them, even if they messed up. It made me want to turn to the senior girl sitting beside me and say, “That’s my story!”

I know that my four years of college would have been different if I had joined a campus ministry (the “God-bless People” as my roommate and I called them). What I continue to wrestle with is, would those years have been better?

The grown-up Christian answer is, of course they would have been better! What my heart says is different. To do-over my college days would be to disown dear friends. It would mean trading in the sorority-house politics that developed my leadership skills. Gone would be the disappointments I faced as I pursued my own glory and good reputation—disappointments that left me humbled and wiser. And even though many of my stories may be unfit for youth group banquets—I had fun!

I have to look below the surface to see the consequences of my college choices. I was a spiritual late-bloomer. For some of my friends, college was a time of expansive spiritual growth. They reached young-adulthood grounded in biblical truth, ready to make an impact for the Kingdom. I left college grounded in self-justification, ready to follow Dave Matthews around the East coast.

I broke my parents’ hearts. I don’t think this hit me until a few years ago when I found a letter my dad wrote me while I was a junior in college. It was a simple note, sent along with a piece of music I’d asked him to send me. But in its lines, there was pain as he urged me to go to church.

Even with this knowledge, I can’t bring myself to regret my college experience. God has redeemed my misspent days. Because I wandered away from the flock, I know what it is to be pursued and rescued by my Good Shepherd. My relationship with my parents has been restored. I have experienced repentance, forgiveness, and abundant grace!