I'm Twenty-Two for a Moment

I was with some people at church recently, just a few of us.  Within the group there was a girl I hadn’t met before.  I introduced myself and asked if she attended our church and the answer came, “No, I’m just hangin’ out with him” and a gesture to a guy I already know.

As the evening went on, there would be times when I would catch her shooting him a sneaky smirk or a sly smile and it got me a little emotional.  Watching their interaction made me happy and sad all at the same time. 

I guess the happy part was remembering what it was like when I was 22 and hanging out with a guy who frequently and awkwardly plunked me down in the middle of his social circle.  Even though it was awkward, I was with him and we held our little secrets away from the rest of the group.  It always made me feel special. 

The sad part of watching these two people was missing my 22-year-old self.  I want to say something like, “22 is such a heady time”, but frankly, I am not sure what heady means.  Thankfully, Google knows some sites that do and I’ve learned that heady means “tending to intoxicate.”  If you know anything about my life at 22, you’ll get a kick out of that.

But there’s another definition of heady that I found, “tending to upset the mind or the balance of the senses.”  That’s it right there.  For me, being 22 was like being constantly out of balance.  College self clashing with back-at-home self.  Party self rumbling with church self.  Finding my way in a new job while trying to hold on to friends who now lived across the country instead of across the hall.  Everything about my life was so unsettled and uncertain.  But it was so awesome!

There were endless possibilities.  I could move to New York, I could go to grad school, I could get an apartment with a friend, I could marry an amazing guy, I could get Flyers season tickets…  Along with the plentiful possibilities came drama, usually brought on by the guy I was hanging out with.

I don’t remember when life stopped being so heady.  Maybe when I stopped paying student loans and started paying a mortgage.  These days my life is a little more predictable, a lot less dramatic and I’m not sure I’d want to be 22 again.  But on a summer night, the potent combination of boys and uncertainty can be so intoxicating.