Today we interred the remains of my grandmother who passed away in March. Joining my aunt and uncle for the trip from Baltimore to the Philadelphia cemetery was my cousin Debbie.
Blonde and spirited, Debbie is a nurse and a mother of three. She was with my grandmother when she died and she was indispensable to us when we traveled to Maryland for the funeral in March. It is hard to be around her and not get the sense that family is her top priority. There are two Debbies in my memory—the present version and the hip, young beauty with a huge poster of Journey lead-singer Steve Perry above her bed. At some point, the Journey tour bus was exchanged for a mini-van, but I’m not sure when.
Meanwhile, on Facebook, my cousin Alison’s status is something like, “I need a ride to Philly area this weekend. Will pay gas and tolls. I will sleep a lot.” She is trying to head east from Pittsburgh so that she can join us for my parents’ 40th anniversary party. After graduating from Carnegie Mellon, she stayed on it Pittsburgh to do some intellectual job at some company. I don’t know the specifics.
I love my cousins, but there is a disconnect, and it bothers me.
When I am around my cousins, I have a great time. They’re funny, they have interesting jobs, they travel to fascinating places and, I like to think, if we didn’t live so far away, we could be great friends.
When my friends talk about going on vacation with their cousins, or casually getting together with their cousins, I admit, I’m jealous. Geography is one reason my cousins and I never got close as kids, age is another. Six of my cousins are significantly older than me. Three are much younger.
For the most part, though, we are all adults now. Age shouldn’t matter. We have Facebook and cell phones, so distance shouldn’t matter. So the question is…how do I pursue closer relationships with my cousins?
With Bill and Laurie—the amazing PTA parents and outdoor enthusiasts.
With Mike—who loves all the Philadelphia sports teams.
With Linda and Derrick—whose motorcycle adventures surely must bring them close to North Carolina from time to time.
With Alison—who has been known to read this blog and who was the first baby I remember holding (if only she’d been the last!).
With Kate—who is So. Much. Fun.
With Adam—who is the same age as some of my favorite people (see previous post).
With June and Louis—June with her stories of life in England.
With Debbie and Joe—who love family so much.
With Allen and Dawn—fellow Parrotheads.
There’s someplace to start with each of them, but where do I go from here? Comment away!
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
9 years ago
I've had the same experience of growing up far away from my cousins. I have no idea what it's like having tons of family over for my birthday or a summer cookout. They're so cool and I wish we'd seen each other when we were younger. I sympathize.
ReplyDeleteOur family is close, but there are cousins on the other side of the family that I'm not sure I would recognize if I passed them in the mall and that's sad. So I sympathize with you.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I had a thought for you . . . the distance between you is a problem . . . so you're going to have to be unique in bonding. I thought you should come up with some tradition . . . and see how it goes . . . like do a Bracket Challenge with the cousins in March . . . or do a Flat Stanley type thing which would you allow you all to get to know each other a bit better. At least this could be a start.